Mental Health from the patients view

I am sorry, not sorry, but I have to say something because of recent happenings that lead my family to make certain comments to me about my mental health. You sound better...yeah fake it till I make it, at least I am fooling them; if only I could fool myself I would be so much better off... I am sorry but being in a psych ward is not a horrible thing, being glad I am out of a safe environment is what is horrible, I mean it is like: when I am home I am at risk of doing impulsive harm to myself at any given moment of any given day no matter what encouraging words people say because it only takes a second to get started on self-harm and then zone out and before you know it you did a number on yourself...but you get it...cut me off...repeatedly...didn't really get me and what I was saying but yeah you win talk over me because you are right...you were far from close to what it is like for me...This last episode of psychosis convinced me my husband was poisoning me and I needed to get out and run away asap and I nearly did. It was so real to me that I was seriously on edge with anxiety and fear for my life. You have no clue what that feels like and I hope you never do and if you have then I am deeply sorry you went through that. I am also wanting to put this out here...so I sound better okay I am glad I sound better but it doesn't mean my battle is over...no matter how much I want it to be...mental illness is not a cold or flu its an ongoing battle for the rest of my life like a stroke with permanent damage left behind, and what you say in my vulnerable moment when I return to reality adds to the damage experienced. I really wish there was a cure to mental illness cuz then we wouldn't have so many homeless people...we would be a high functioning society...and bonus we all would get along for the most part...Then I could every day not wonder what it will bring and if it will cause chaos in my sensitive brain... I also wish I didn't believe in mental illness like some of you kinda hint at...because then these unrealistic thoughts wouldn't consume my every being of my body until I experience pain all over my body, or I suffer what feels and acts like a stroke or heart attack...and then I wouldn't have to make a jack ass of myself and go to the ER for a shot of Haldol to make the panic attack stop and stop my symptoms of life or death symptoms.... Also would like to point out that there is nothing you can say that is correct to say to me straight out of the mental hospital so just offer support through offering to come over to do laundry, clean house, dishes, just to talk and listen to me, to make sure I am doing my self-care, check in on me, care, don't be judgemental, don't tell me how to handle my mental illness, my madness maybe named the same as your madness but it can be experienced on different varying degrees of intensity and weakness...and some aspects may not even be experienced at all by either of us or only one of us... My losses are equal to others on horrible levels and on minute levels...what I mean is I feel the sadness and depression from my losses in my life has a cap and everyone has small or big loss caps at the same level as everyone and we are all the same...in grieving...in sadness, in darkness, in fear, in chaos, in despair. We are the same we are not alone in our suffering and we are no longer going to sit silent and allow people to make us feel inferior to them. That is it for now, share if you like and agree Thanks! Sincerely, Rabeka Jo