It seems to me that the world is always blaming the parent for a troubled child. The way I see it parents can't win. The stay at home parent gets blamed if the child is acting out in school. The working parents get blamed if the child is acting out in school. We parents just can't win. All it takes for us to lose EVERYTHING is a call to the missing child unit in our area by either a noisy neighbor or a family member wanting the kids or even a perfect stranger on the street witnessing a mental break down of a stay at home mom who had the last toy thrown at them. This is getting more and more out of hand with the accusations of abuse, neglect, and other off the wall accusations. But why would a parent lose their children when the system is suppose to protect children...There must be something wrong with this person. Truth is Circumstances that are out of parents control don't pass in the short period of time parents are given to get everything together to their high standards (off the wall standards you wouldn't believe some of the requirements a single mother of two has to do to meet these standards) You don't know the parents you judge you assume there must be something wrong with them cause why would a system take children without cause? Let me ask you this Why do you care? Is it your life? Do you know what its like to even ponder the thought of losing your children to strangers then battling it out for months to find in the end that your arms are empty and will be empty till the children come to age. Do you even know slightly how that must feel? Why judge them? Put yourself in their shoes for a moment, if you lost your children wouldn't you want to tell your story to people not to be judged but to warn others of the system that took everything from you? Then don't judge these parents for their pain is deeper than the dirty looks you give and the horrible words you speak behind their backs. You don't know them if you judge them and say they got what they deserved. NO PARENT DESERVES TO BE BARED OF THEIR CHILDREN UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE CAUSE CIRCUMSTANCES PASS AND JUST CAUSE THEY DON'T PASS WITHIN THE SHORT PERIOD OF TIME GIVEN DOESN'T MEAN THEY ARE A BAD PARENT DOESN'T MEAN THEY GOT WHAT THEY DESERVED IT MEANS LIFE HAPPENS AND IS OUT OF OUR HANDS WE ARE HERE JUST FOR THE RIDE AND WHERE THIS RIDE LEADS IT IS UNCERTAIN. THIS DOESN'T MEAN THAT PARENTS SHOULD BE TERMINATED FROM THEIR PARENTAL RIGHTS.
The state should get rid of the home drug screens all together and do blood drug screens for more accuracy on pin pointing unknown pills that are found in urine. They should ask the parent what it was and not talk about it as if the parent isn't in the room. Parents are NOT Guilty until proven innocent yet that's the attitude most social workers treat the parents and act all buddy buddy to the parents until court day. Then they two face the parents and say all these horrible things about the parents but just the day before they said the parents were doing great getting their ducks in a row and all this other stuff that wasn't what they were thinking.
Supervised visits are jokes. Sure take kids from parents and then tell them they cant spank even if spanking was the only thing that worked with their kids, cause EVERY CHILD IS DIFFERENT time outs work for some, but others it takes spanking to grab their attention. OK conspiracy is that spanking is abuse well I see it as this if you leave welts and bruises yes that is abuse but a pop on a diaper ain't going to leave a mark just grab the child's attention and the behavior will stop. Ok back to the taking the parents upper hand away so surprise surprise the children are uncontrolled by the parent cause their hands are tied and cant discipline them the way they always have and the kids tune into this and act crazy and guess what the supervisor is going to write down in her notes. You guessed it the parent cannot control their children...hmmm wonder why...The only thing that works with their children to get them to listen is spanking and they take that away the parent has no control over the kids duh!
Getting up in the morning after the children are removed is another thing I would like to point out. Without those smiling faces in the morning its hard to get up and even out of bed, and they expect you to get tons of court orders not related to problems you have but you have to do them. Another thing is you have to hold down a job while taking time off for courses in all these court orders. Who in their right mind would keep a person who has to take so much time off for court dates, supervised visits, court ordered classes, home visits, Pop UA's, and meetings with social workers handling the case. Of course the parent is going to lose their job and have a hard time finding another one. Of course your mind is on other things like the kids and court dates etc. So you forget to pay a bill and get something turned off. You have to have AC, Heater, spotless house, no dirty clothes in site (or else the social worker will come in look around and claim everything is so nice then turn around in court and say there was dirty clothes all over the place) that's another thing I would like to see social workers carry voice recorders and video cameras and cameras to take pictures. If you have a one bedroom apartment and the social worker comes in and sees two beds made clearly out for two children, they will turn around and say there was a small toddler bed for the two children to share and make you look like an idiot in court) Why do they do this? Say everything is in order and perfect then turn around and stab the parents in the back saying all this negative stuff about what they had praised the day of the visit? Why are they so dishonest and back stabbing? Oh one more thing about a clean house if its TOO clean you must be on some type of upper street drug like coke or meth or something. So be careful on how clean you get your home. LOL isn't this a joke? This is what your taxes are paying for. Are you happy with what they do to families? They tear them apart and rebuild families each and everyday, their minds are made up before they even give the parents a chance to win their children back and they do everything in their power to make the parent sound like a non caring parent. That's another thing be sure you record every interview they do and have it on hand and play it for the judge when they try to mis-quote you in court cause they will take things out of context and twist it to suit their need.
Tons of tips I have with my experience and I hate to write it here and waist it I should write a book. Wonder if anyone would read it. Would you? Please email me and let me know if you would like me to write a book about my life and experiences. I've been through domestic violence, loss of a grandmother, a near loss of my mother to breast cancer, my mothers alcoholism, my taking role of mother to my older sister and my two children under the age of 2, then the removal of my children, then the heart ache of total loss of my children, my dive into alcohol to cope with my loss, and the final chapter my wonderful family I have now and how my life has changed for the best. Would that interest anyone?
Let me know cause I need to know if it would sell or not. Email me. Let me know.
Thanks.
Sincerely,
Rabeka Jo
P.S. My advise to you is to do what works best for you and your family work if that's what you like to do stay home if you can afford it and can remain sane in doing so LOL. Try both out see what works best for you in the end you will find that working and paying most of your pay check to child care isn't worth the small amount that is left after all is said and done. But like I said do what you feel works best for you to keep your sanity or whatever. But note that if you do chose to go to work the person caring for your children is going to be raising them for you and if you don't want them to do certain things like watch Barney don't be surprised if they come home and want to watch Barney, and what you have to look forward to is "my baby sitter lets me do it your no fun" arguments. Good luck in whatever you decide to do. Like I said we can't win no matter what we chose so do what works for you.
