You would think that when we women are pregnant we would realize how we do not control our children and cannot control them no matter what we try to do to make this impossible feat occur. Let me elaborate. OK while pregnant the baby is moving inside of our wombs just going nuts right? So we rush over and have our loved ones or friends put their hands on our bellies to "feel" this miracle moving about and then suddenly, as if the baby knows, they stop moving all together, or just move faintly to where they can't feel what you were feeling moments before and so you sound like you're telling tall tales. Frustrating right? Then when they are babies and even toddlers, we still try to control them and make them do what we want them to do and hope they don't do what we don't want them to do, but never fails they always poo their britches at inopportune moments, they even may poo or pee on you the parent who is innocently changing their diaper, no matter how much we try to mentally tell them or even vocally tell them not to...they still do it.
So why do we keep trying to control this child who is only half our genetics not half our body, not an extra limb for us to direct into doing what we want? As a parent we want what is best for our children, but they just don't get that. They especially Teens think we are over protective and maybe we are but for good reasons. We been through so much as a teen or child even, that we don't want our children to experience the horrible things we went through. But think about it this way, if they don't have these such experiences, what kind of life will they have? Sure won't be like yours that you have, and hasn't all them experiences done you some good? you learned not to do things because of consequences that happened. Sure some were horrible, but they made you stronger right?
We as parents have a huge responsibility, but honestly I think the only responsibility we really actually own is to make sure their needs are met: food, clothing, emotional support, place to live, responsibilities so they learn life skills, make sure they live through their childhood and guidance that is meant for taking or leaving and allowing them to face their own fate and consequences. There maybe others I am forgetting but that is going back to basics and is as basic as it gets.
Teach them, but forcing will never get you far. Rebellion is hard to go through as a parent. Here is your child who you raised and made sure they survived through childhood and you did everything you could to make sure all needs were met, and this is how they repay us?! Thing about Rebellion is, someday they will regret doing it to us, and will warm back up to us and give us unconditional love, and hopefully not drop us off at the old folks home. One can only wish. Of course if we become a handful and are unmanageable we won't grow out of it like a teen does, and there comes a point in our lives we do need someone experienced with our minds and how we are acting etc. and do need the old folks home services because its way too much for our children to manage (I do not blame them its a hard task taking on an elderly parent), I wouldn't blame them if they did set us up with what they believe to be the best care for us.
My new years resolution this year will be to allow my children to be children, within reason, and stop treating them like a reflection of who I am, and stop treating them like an extra limb I can control, and just let them face the life they want to lead and let them learn from it the hard way. I am just turning blue in the face telling them over and over about how things work and don't, and how things may end up if they do decide to do whatever it is they are planning to do.
Being a mother with anxiety though, this seems like something little for anyone to do and maybe I am the only one who is battling this. I just know that I need to let go and hopefully let God teach my boys what I keep trying to preach to them, through experiences that will not hurt them too bad. Anxiety sucks for sure, but hopefully someday I will find something that works to take it away completely so I can do this task a bit easier than now. Just saying it here on this blog sends me in near panic mode (like an 8 or 9 level 10 being panic attack) Yes it is that bad.
Anyone out there feel this hits home? Comment below, tell me your experiences, and tell me if you try to control your children like an extra limb, and if you think who they are reflects on who you are or whatever. I need to know I am not alone in this and would greatly appreciate your comments! If I forgot anything that we as parents are required to do for our children please comment them too thanks!
Talk to you all later,
Sincerely,
Rabeka Jo
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